I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
