No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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