I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
