We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
