I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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