were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
