Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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