She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
