Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
