I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
