Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
