I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
