Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
