went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
