I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
