Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
