I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
