piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
