She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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