All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
