I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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