So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
