When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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