You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
