I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
