Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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