does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
