I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize