they need to just BURY HIM!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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