I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize