Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
