how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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