We need to rekindle our bromance
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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