tell your sister to shave her snatch
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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