don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
