so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
