she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize