I just saw a hot homeless man
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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