I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
