margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
