I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize