Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
