I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
