He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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