I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
