Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
