He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
