it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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