Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
