i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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