just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
