they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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