True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
