I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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