Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
