i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
