Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
