I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize