i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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