This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
