Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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