Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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