farters have to be the big spoon...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
