There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
