Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize