It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
