I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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