He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
