grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
