I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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