Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
