fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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