I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
